Paved With Good Intentions

I'm a sucker for turning over a new leaf. I actually love making New Year's Resolutions. I've been almost 2 months without a Diet Coke so far this year (huge challenge for me to cut off the Diet Coke I-V drip, by the way). I've already got mine planned for January 1, 2010. I think this all comes from the same part of my personality that believes the claims of the ads in the magazines and drugstores that buying X cosmetics will make me into a new, fabulous person.

This may have something to do with why I've latched on to Lent, even though I didn't grow up in a church that celebrated it. I still don't go to a church that makes a big deal of Lent, which is why last night I left my husband at home to go to a different church to get ashes on my forehead.

Don't worry, I didn't sneak into the Catholic church across town. I spent enough time at Notre Dame to know that's a no-no. The Episcopalians, though, are much less picky. I started going to an Episcopal church when I lived in London and found another one to attend in Kansas City. Now I've found a good one here in West Texas. (Yeah, I wasn't kidding about the moving around part of my profile.)

One of the things I love about this time of year is the idea of Lenten intentions. I have heard about giving things up for Lent before. I get the general idea of giving up something good to focus on something better. Thing is, I suck at giving things up. When I try it, the thing I can't have is all I think about -- which sort of defeats the purpose for things like this (and explains why I've been having Diet Coke dreams). The idea of focusing on an intention for improvement for 40 days -- that's right up my alley.

So this year my Lenten intention (and I'm just telling you because putting it out on the Internet should help me keep on track) is to stop my obsessive worrying about job and finance issues and focus on positive things instead.

I'm the first to believe that a little worry is a helpful thing. It makes you go back and check that the door is locked before you go to sleep. It encourages you to put something in savings instead of buying everything available at Target (not that I'd know anything about that). Problem is, I have a tendency to Spiral of Doom, where the worry goes from something reasonable, like "I could lose my job," to something unreasonable, like "I could be living under a bridge eating pigeons next month," in the blink of an eye. And then I spend the next hour or four thinking about how I don't like pigeons and don't want to eat them, no matter what the Food Network says about squab being a delicacy.

So, for the next 40 days, I'm working on replacing any panic I have about my work or finances with something positive -- planning for a new story or quilt or Bible verses about God being a provider. Because honestly, it's a little ridiculous to have faith on the big, end-of-the-world type issues and not believe that God can sort out my employment and financial situation.

Maybe it's just because my vision of the end-of-the-world doesn't involve pigeons.